I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
