I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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