all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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