If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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