I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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