I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
