so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
