He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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