went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
