i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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