I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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