the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
