found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
