SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
They have beer where we have blood.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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