who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
