That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
