Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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