now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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