You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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