Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
