I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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