and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
