I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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