i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
