May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
