apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
