If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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