I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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