Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
