I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize