I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
