when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
