I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
