Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
