Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
