Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
