if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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