i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
