just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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