My nipple is on Facebook.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize