does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize