She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
