Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
