Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
