Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
