he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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