my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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