she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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