They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
