Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
