So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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