hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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