Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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