Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
