i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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