That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Houston, we have a squirter
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
