I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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