I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
