Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
