When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
