You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
