Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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