No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
