:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
