Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
