Having a random hookup so left but love u
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
