OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Damn victory sex feels great
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
