Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
