If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize