This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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