Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
