i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
