I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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