She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
