There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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