Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
