When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so explain again why im purple
no
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
