The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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