I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
