i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
