I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
